Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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