sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
