I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
