take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize