I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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