Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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