Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
