"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
