I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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