ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
