I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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