Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
