So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
