there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
