I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
