That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
