I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
