I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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