You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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