my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
