in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
