omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
