I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
