dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
