I want to have your abortion
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
