New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
