heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
