sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
