even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
