There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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