He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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