My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
