In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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