the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize