and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
