I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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