I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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