you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
