I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
