I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
