why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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