I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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