You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
