I never want to see another naked old woman again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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