it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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