Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
