Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
