I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
