What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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