her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
