Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.