I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
