so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.