Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
