Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
