Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
