brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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