I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
