Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
time to smoke my breakfast
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He felt like a one man threesome
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
