He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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