The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize