I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
