He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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