I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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