Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
