Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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