They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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