Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
