I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
