i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
