I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
