Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
