I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who died my cat blue again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
