The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
