Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
